I’m having a hard time at the moment

I’m having a hard time at the moment. There, I said it. I’m feeling far from my best. 2018 so far has been littered with lovely moments like going to the cinema with Topher, having dinner with friends, seeing my parents and all the little things in between. But overall, I haven’t been happy.

As soon as I’m left alone during the day that voice in my head starts creeping in. The one that makes me doubt my work. The one that says what’s the point? The one that says just stay in bed. And the one that says go on, just have one more snack.

I try to ignore it but it keeps coming back. Because to tell you the truth, I’m far from bossing it. My work life is making me miserable and it makes me feel like I did last time I was self employed. And the last time I worked in an office too. Then I make myself feel sad because I can’t seem to find my thing. I know there’s so many people out there who haven’t found their thing either but it seems like anything that isn’t my thing makes me feel down.

Every job I had, there’s been something wrong. Retail – I hated it. Office job 1 – bad company, boring job (though thanks to that, I have this blog.) Self employed stint 1 – barely made a penny and put a strain on my creativity, Office job 2 – loved the job, hated the company and the commute, Office job 3 – nice company, boring job and now I’m on self employed stint 2. Year one was great, year two I just felt myself sliding. I’ve made enough money to survive but only just. Thanks Topher for keeping us afloat.

Every job and every situation we’ve been in, we’ve just survived financially. We don’t have much disposable income at all. I just want to be able to replace something when it breaks without thinking about it and be able to go on holiday without breaking the bank.

Since office job 3 I’ve had ongoing health problems with my hands and arms. It’s due to repetitive strain which started in my right hand and it’s spread to both hands and arms. It makes admin work hard and that’s what I do. It makes me feel down because I need to find a career that isn’t so admin based but I don’t know what it is.

I haven’t even wanted to blog, which is unlike me. I can tell when I’m happy because I blog – if you see me disappear for a while, something’s usually wrong. I’ve been just blogging about stuff I need to – collabs and such.

It’s not all doom and gloom of course – I have a husband and family and friends who love me. I have the two sweetest cats you could ask for. And I have a roof over my head that isn’t going anywhere. But there’s something in my life that I need to fix.

I’m not sure how to fix this but I think I know where to start. I need structure. I need to take the pressure off.

Wish me luck.

Colour Walk Manchester - i heart mcr

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I Can’t Do All Of The Things

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Lesson learned.

I can’t do all of the things. Something has got to give. I can’t simultaneously have two blogs, a business to promote, VA work to do, house decorating, cooking, cleaning, an entire wedding to plan including DIY’s and just general taking care of myself. Nope, it’s not happening.

It’s unsurprising that I was tired all the time, not eating properly and my eye wouldn’t stop twitching. So stressed. It was my own fault of course – note to self and you guys, if you’re doing wedding DIY’s get them done as early as possible.

And you may ask where was Topher in all this? He was just as stressed as I was and couldn’t help me since he was juggling two jobs.

So something had to give. In June I took the decision to stop blogging and promoting both Nomad Seeks Home and Begin.Create until after the wedding was over. Only concentrating on my freelance VA work, as well as getting some Slimming World ready meals in, I would try and do less things. Topher also handed in his notice at his second job.

Now that the wedding is over, we both feel so much better. He’s off from school for summer and I am slowly trying to get back into a routine (which includes blogging of course!). I can’t imagine what would have happened if I had tried to keep going and doing it all.

That is my advice to you. Please don’t try to do all of the things. Let some stuff slide, ask for help and just take care of yourself.

So what have I been up to since I last posted?

  • We were guests at two more weddings, one of them being in Jordan. That certainly was by far my shortest trip there ever! 3 full days…

I can't do all of the things - jordan wedding

  • I turned 29. In all the wedding rush, I almost forgot about my birthday! The last one of my twenties. I spent the day doing my final dress fitting and having afternoon tea with my parents followed by girly films with Topher. He had never seen Mean Girls and that needed to be fixed!

I can't do all of the things - dress fitting

I can't do all of the things - afternoon tea

  • I had my hen party. It was such a good day. Crystal Maze in Manchester, followed by afternoon tea and finally a sleepover at mine with games and amazing cocktails.

I can't do all of the things - crystal maze

I can't do all of the things - cocktails

  • We got married! I’ll do a full post on this soon. In answer to the inevitable question, “so how’s married life?” I’ll answer, “exactly the same!” I mean, how could it be any different when you’ve been in a relationship for over 8 years and living in sin for almost 5 of them, right? One thing’s for sure, it’s so great to be able to say the word husband. Is it just me or does the word fiancé sound kinda pretentious?

I can't do all of the things - our wedding

Photo by our amazing photographer, Nikki Cooper

  • And for the last week I’ve just been sleeping, tidying, doing a little bit of work and chilling out before getting back to business.

So that’s it. I’m back baby!

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Falling off the wagon

Just a catch up. In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve fallen off the #BEDM wagon. I’m not beating myself up about it, I just did it for a bit of fun and to find some new blogs to read. Somewhere in the middle of the month I lost my mojo and going away last weekend gave me the perfect excuse to fall off the radar.

To be honest I’ve enjoyed the break – though not completely because I felt guilty about it. But now I’m taking a conscious decision to take the rest of May off and come back fresh in June with some new posts. Guilt free. So this post was pretty much to tell you that. I’ll be back on June 1st. In 5 days time.

So enjoy your bank holiday weekend. And enjoy the rest of May!

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What month is it again?

How is it October already? Well, I’m finally standing still long enough to blog so hello if anyone’s still there! Just a quick hello again. I’ve been a busy bee since I last blogged. I’ve been sorting out boring grown up stuff like bills as well finally having the internet set up in my new London flat. The bf has now joined me so happy times. 
 
Also, I went on holiday last month to Florida with the bf and his sister which was so fun!

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Yeah that’s right, we went to the Disney Halloween party dressed as Captain Hook, Peter Pan and Smee. Say suthin! 😛
 
Haven’t got up to much since we got back a week ago apart from work and have epic The Walking Dead marathons. I’m shattered. Damn those cliff hangers!
 
Now I’ve just got to settle into life down south and also get back into the swing of things online. Bring it.
 
How have you been? Looking forward to Autumn/Winter? Seen anything pretty in the shops? I miss shops.
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April, May and June

Just a re-cap of what I’ve been up to the last three months.

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Popped home for a week to visit my parents, Celebrated with the bf on finishing his disseration & degree, discovered the awesomeness that is Wasabi, Tried a pie at Pi in Chorlton.
 
In May, I got to go to Florida! My mum was there to check on our house that we rent out and wanted some company. No problemo! 

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My auntie, uncle and youngest cousin recently moved to Orlando so me and my mum went with them for little Hamza’s first trip to the Magic Kingdom.

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Sunset, Magic Kingdom!, my mum and I with our fancy Mickey and Minnie ears, couldn’t go to Florida without paying universal studios a visit, yummy margarita, my mum is apparently a bad ass at shooting games. We weren’t a third of the way round Buzz Lightyear before she maxed out her score pad. I don’t know who was more surprised!
 
We even did the special 24 hour event at Magic Kingdom on the 24th May where it was open from 6am – 6am! We knew we wouldn’t be able to handle the full 24 hours so we just went from 6pm to 6am. It was awesome seeing the park overnight and I had a blast spending time with my mum.

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Epcot – the big ol’golf ball. 

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I made a new friend at Universal. Meet Melvin. He likes fries and has no concept of personal space. 
 
To celebrate my birthday (cough*25*cough), I decided to drag some friends along to 2.8 hours later. The gist is that you run away from zombies and try not to get caught. 

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One thing I was reminded of during this was that I am so unfit! Though I am proud to say that I made it 3/4’s of the way through before being caught. The bf was the only one out of our group of 9 that survived. The rest of us got to put on zombie make-up at the end for the zombie disco. I really really enjoyed it and would definitely recommend it – they do it every year. 
 
On my actual birthday; me, the bf and Claire made a fort in the living room and watched all 8 Harry Potter films in a row. They dumped a load of balloons on me so the fort was filled with them all day. Such children we are 🙂

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fort

The bf made me an awesome New Girl themed card. He always sang along with the theme tune and ended with “It’s Chris!” so it was a pretty funny idea 🙂

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My awesome birthday cake as made by Claire. 
 
Oh and I saw Despicable Me 2 the other day. It’s funny – go see it!
 
I don’t feel much different being 25 apart from the lack of direction in my life. I feel like I should be acting more grown up but oh well. I’ll figure it all out soon. 
 
Back to job hunting amigos!
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