Remembering my “Why”

Remembering my “Why”

Flashback to December 2011. I was 23, in one of the most mind numbingly boring jobs and desperate for a creative outlet. I wanted somewhere to share my love of fashion, art and pretty things. So Nomad Seeks Home was born.

Over the years I loved having a place I could turn to write about the things I cared about and have some fun. Plus it’s almost 8 years later and I have a diary of my twenties I can look back on which is so cool.

So back to the present day. I’m 31 and you may or may not have noticed that I’ve been finding it difficult to blog regularly over the last year or two. I won’t lie, it’s been a real struggle. There have been many times where I’ve considered packing in the whole blog all together.

The reason behind it all is my mental health. When I was freelance I struggled a lot with it and it definitely effected my blog in the end. I found myself being caught in the comparison trap and even though this wasn’t my main source of income, I felt the pressure.

Eventually I felt trapped in the whole cycle of “what’s the point of creating if no one cares or comments or likes etc.” So I didn’t create anything.

Even after I quit the self employed life and took the pressure off, I still found myself pushing my laptop away and even withdrawing from social media. I think I needed the break. But it’s been a long time and I miss it.

Recently I had a bit of a breakthrough and it all started when I walked into Zara. Weird I know but the collection they had in there a few weeks ago was so bright and colourful it made me excited. I haven’t thought about fashion in years – at least not the way I used to.

I miss having that feeling and blogging gave me that feeling. It’s the same feeling I got when I bought myself a new planner. I really want to blog about it too. I want to share – even if no one is listening. Just because I love it.

So to get my love of blogging back, all I need to do is remember my why. Why did I start? I wanted to have somewhere to gush about all the things I loved and had no one to talk about it to.

I’m smiling as I type this because I can literally feel my blog love reigniting. I know because of my mental health there will be a lot of bad days but it’s all about grabbing the good and making the most of it. I always feel better when I’ve done something. So that’s what I’m going to do.

Do something.

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Going With The Flow

I love lists. I love everything about them. I like to make them and I love to tick individual items off them. Since I started my bullet journal back in April this year I’ve noticed my productivity soar. I haven’t felt as lost and I feel like I’m finally achieving some balance in my life.

Before I went self-employed I was always so tired after work that I barely got anything done. All the other aspects of my life felt like a chore and I felt bad for myself when I took a day to just relax and watch Netflix. Guilt was a regular feeling for me. Guilt for not tidying the kitchen, for not vacuuming, not blogging, not going into town to run errands and all the other bits and pieces that makes up an adult life. My lists were often made but unchecked off and I felt lazy even if I was getting a lot done. It just never felt like enough.

So starting the bullet journal made me feel great. I was getting things done and actually moving forward with projects that had been left on the back burner for so long. But once in awhile I would have a bad day and little to nothing would get checked off that day’s list. And the guilt would return. I really didn’t want to feel this way. It’s not like I was disappointing anyone but myself. Client work would always get done one way or another so it’s literally just things for the house and myself that wouldn’t get done. Why was I beating myself up about it?

Last Friday I was sick. I barely left my bed. Literally nothing got ticked off my list that day. But for the fist time in awhile, I didn’t feel bad about it. I didn’t even think to feel guilty which I’m really proud of. I had no client work due that day, only a blog post and a bunch of cleaning/errand tasks along with a couple of things I wanted to get done for my new business venture. And usually I go into town to attend Freelance Friday. But I realised that there was no point in feeling bad about those tasks not getting done. Sure I didn’t blog that day and I just so happened to lose a blog follower too but is it really the end of the world? No.

So from now on, I’m going to take a leaf out of that book and I’m going to cut myself some slack. It may not get done today, but as long as it gets done at some point, that’s all that matters. No one’s perfect and it’s a waste of time trying to be. Some day’s you’re on it and some days you’re just not. So just go with the flow.

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My week #14

My oh my it’s been a month and a half since I did one of these! Anyway, catchup time.

We’re settling in nicely to the house as I described in my post earlier this week, Snippets of Home. I want to decorate so badly but with Topher out of work and myself only just beginning my business we have to wait. It’s not like there’s any rush, I’m just impatient!

On the freelancing front, things are going quite well. I’ve secured enough clients to cover my half of the bills which is awesome. Now I just need more so I can have enough money to live on top of that. Working hard to do it though. It’s so nice having my office to go to. I just feel like I’m getting more done! There are still people in my life who are wondering why I haven’t gotten a “real job” yet but I know in the next few months they’ll quieten down. Topher supports me so that’s something!

In terms of outside land, I have been outside in the last few days which is nice. Last weekend Topher and I went to a market with our friend Claire and came home with pie and chocolate. Luckily that was before re-joining Slimming World again. Yes, again. Well we’ve moved now and I’ve picked a morning session for the first time since London and I really have a good feeling about this one. I think I’ll do a separate post about it next week so look out for that.

I’ve been super organised recently and have been getting stuff sorted for the house as well as our upcoming holidays this year. Cats needed a cattery booking and we’ve also scheduled in our engagement shoot (squee!). We’ve also been planning ahead for next year and have decided to scale down our honeymoon again to a much more manageable (both on our time and our bank balances) holiday. Again I’ll do a separate post on that in the near future.

The cats have been their usual mischievous selves. As much as I complain, I have to thank Pickles for waking us up at 6am since we moved. Getting up at a decent time lets me get a good head start on the day. Though I do go back to sleep until 8! And finally the sun is making an appearance after that random bout of snow we had a couple of weeks back so it really feels like Spring now. So excited for summer. Topher calls me his sun-activated flower which is completely true. I just feel so much more alive in the summer.

What’s been making you smile recently?

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The de-cluttering begins

My house is full of clutter. It’s really annoying so for once, I’m going to do something about it. In the past this would have embarrassed the crap out of me to show the horrendous state of parts of my house but these days I just don’t care. Today I am showing you the rooms in my house that need a serious overhaul. They need tidying, de-cluttering and cleaning to the point that they look like something off of Pinterest. This is my way of making myself do something about it. So lets dive in with the worst first. My “office”.

The de-cluttering begins - office

Hot damn. Remember how lovely my office looked? I did a post on it here. So the main mess accounts to my new desk that you can’t see which is behind the door. That’s where my plastic drawers used to stand. They now don’t have a place which is why the drawers are on the floor and the frame is just hanging out on top of some clothes in front of the window. That giant box is the box our mattress came in (weird right?) which we kept in the other bedroom so the cats could play in it but had to move when we had guests stay the night. This needs to go!

The other mess of stuff on the desks and floor I have no excuse for. Yes we are moving in the next couple of months but this is no way to live. I actually want to use my office now that I’m home all day so consider this the before photo. By the end of this week you will be able to see the floor. Honest.

The de-cluttering begins - dresser

Next, in the dining room lives the dresser. It’s other name is that thing we just pile stuff on so it’s not on the dining room table. How terrible does this look? This shouldn’t take long at all so there’s no excuse. Goodbye clutter.

The de-cluttering begins - spare room

And finally, say hello to suitcase mountain in the guest bedroom. That’s not all suitcases – behind lives another bookcase (seriously!) and a load of boxes that need to go to the car boot. To the left you can see a pile of sleeping bags that used to reside on the top of suitcase mountain until the cats knocked them off as well as the bedding which is on top of our old mattress/guest bed. Then the bookcase which is just overflowing with Topher’s books. There’s not much I can do about the suitcases which have no other home due to no access to the loft and I can’t get rid as we will be needing them to move house. I can however go through the car boot boxes and condense down. I can’t wait until it’s car boot season again!

So that’s my mess that I’ll be dealing with this week. This is my way of being accountable for it. If I don’t do it, feel free to yell at me. Right, clutter – let’s do this!

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Yet another life update

It feels like all I’m writing on this blog is posts like this at the moment. So as well as trying to buy a house, plan a wedding and deal with the loss of someone, I have another bit of news. I am being made redundant. However, I’m not freaking out about it. I’m getting paid for January and my last day is 23rd December. So I’m pretty much getting a month of free wages. I’m actually looking forward to January and I seriously need a break. I’m tired, my body is agreeing and I just want a change.

Once again I put myself in the situation of being in a job I don’t enjoy and I seriously want to get it right next time. I’m going to take my time finding something good and in the meantime I’m going to attempt freelancing. So I’ll be making a couple of additions around here to advertise my skills for hire. Wish me luck. Regular posting will commence for December!

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