I’m having a hard time at the moment

I’m having a hard time at the moment. There, I said it. I’m feeling far from my best. 2018 so far has been littered with lovely moments like going to the cinema with Topher, having dinner with friends, seeing my parents and all the little things in between. But overall, I haven’t been happy.

As soon as I’m left alone during the day that voice in my head starts creeping in. The one that makes me doubt my work. The one that says what’s the point? The one that says just stay in bed. And the one that says go on, just have one more snack.

I try to ignore it but it keeps coming back. Because to tell you the truth, I’m far from bossing it. My work life is making me miserable and it makes me feel like I did last time I was self employed. And the last time I worked in an office too. Then I make myself feel sad because I can’t seem to find my thing. I know there’s so many people out there who haven’t found their thing either but it seems like anything that isn’t my thing makes me feel down.

Every job I had, there’s been something wrong. Retail – I hated it. Office job 1 – bad company, boring job (though thanks to that, I have this blog.) Self employed stint 1 – barely made a penny and put a strain on my creativity, Office job 2 – loved the job, hated the company and the commute, Office job 3 – nice company, boring job and now I’m on self employed stint 2. Year one was great, year two I just felt myself sliding. I’ve made enough money to survive but only just. Thanks Topher for keeping us afloat.

Every job and every situation we’ve been in, we’ve just survived financially. We don’t have much disposable income at all. I just want to be able to replace something when it breaks without thinking about it and be able to go on holiday without breaking the bank.

Since office job 3 I’ve had ongoing health problems with my hands and arms. It’s due to repetitive strain which started in my right hand and it’s spread to both hands and arms. It makes admin work hard and that’s what I do. It makes me feel down because I need to find a career that isn’t so admin based but I don’t know what it is.

I haven’t even wanted to blog, which is unlike me. I can tell when I’m happy because I blog – if you see me disappear for a while, something’s usually wrong. I’ve been just blogging about stuff I need to – collabs and such.

It’s not all doom and gloom of course – I have a husband and family and friends who love me. I have the two sweetest cats you could ask for. And I have a roof over my head that isn’t going anywhere. But there’s something in my life that I need to fix.

I’m not sure how to fix this but I think I know where to start. I need structure. I need to take the pressure off.

Wish me luck.

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20 Things To Do When You’re Feeling Down

I’ve been feeling down a lot lately and being down is getting me down. Bleh.

I figured it would be a good idea to compile a list of things to cheer myself up so I have something to refer back to whenever I’m feeling down. So this is kind of a note to myself but I thought you might find it helpful too.

  1. Have a Shower or a bath – these always make me feel more human again
  2. Make a happy playlist and turn it up loud
  3. Go for a walk
  4. Call a friend or family member
  5. Listen to a funny podcast
  6. Make a gratitude list – I made one here
  7. Make a list of things that trigger your down moods
  8. Organise an imaginary holiday (I do these all the time!) – look up places to see, stay and eat in your dream destination
  9. Make your to do list short and sweet – being able to tick everything off gives me a feeling of achievement
  10. If you have a pet – give it a big cuddle
  11. Watch some stand up comedy – if you have Netflix then this is super easy
  12. Start a new creative project
  13. Clean something in your house – especially if the place is a tip. It doesn’t matter how small the area is or even if you’re just scrubbing down the worktops in your kitchen, every little bit helps and it makes me feel accomplished
  14. Make a fort in your living room and watch a film – because why the fuck not
  15. Bake something
  16. Have a social media detox
  17. Read a book
  18. Change your bedding and put on fresh pjs – Bliss!
  19. Do something nice for someone else – their smile is always a great mood lifter
  20. Try not to make yourself feel guilty for being down – sometimes you just are and you need to just be for a bit

Obviously not all a quick fix but still it’s something and that’s all that matters.

What do you do when you’re feeling down?

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The Trouble With Guilt

I’ve spoken about guilt and being your own worst enemy on the blog before and I feel like I need to revisit the topic.

I’ve been falling into the same trap I found myself earlier this year – only it feels so much worse this time. My down periods seem to be getting longer and I’ve been feeling so guilty about it. It’s the same old story – I have my down days, do little to nothing and then spend the rest of the day making myself feel horrible about it. Not only that but I was playing the comparison game and it made me feel physically sick at times. Yuck.

Being stuck in this hole has left me in a place where I’m not happy with myself. I haven’t pushed my business and it’s because I’ve been thinking what’s the point? Sometimes it felt like if I’m never going to achieve anything, then what’s the point in trying. It’s a toxic way to think which lead me to spending a lot of days in bed doing the bare minimum.

I’ve let it slide to other areas of my life too such as my health which I was so proud of at the beginning of the year. Recently I’ve been binge eating and only eating crap, which was making my insides feel like crap. I actually miss fruit and veg. My weight has increased quickly in response, undoing all my hard work which has taken me back to where I don’t feel good again.

guilt - make dreams happen

So how do I turn it around?

Stop making myself feel guilty. We all get into periods like this and the only way out of it is to stop feeling guilty about it. Guilt simply continues the cycle and everything stays the same.  I don’t want to stay the same. Things aren’t always going to go to plan and that’s ok. It’s all about baby steps and focus. Here’s my strategy for the rest of the year and 2018:

  • Be kind to myself
  • Create a meal plan that will make me feel good about food again
  • Make my to do lists short and sweet
  • Make a realistic plan for 2018

Does guilt play a big role in your life?

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